Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
