so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
