I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
