____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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