that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Its about making memories worth repressing
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
