dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize