i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
