oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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