The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
