see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
