Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
