I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
