The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
