Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
