you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm really busy with my period
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