I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think a kid would responsible me up
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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