Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
