btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
