2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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