I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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