Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
