I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
