I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Still dying that you shit outside
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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