every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
