Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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