I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
