i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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