Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
