i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
