i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
