Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize
