i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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