i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
