some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
