3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
