And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
