I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
