I've blown a few things in my day
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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