Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize