I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Who died my cat blue again?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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