Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
