Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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