im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
