There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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