Even the bartender felt bad for me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
