distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
