i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
