I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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