recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
