I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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