so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
