YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
