can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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