I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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