my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
