We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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