Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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