I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
