Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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