I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
