saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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