I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i permit you to call me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
