Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize