i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
