we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
