yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize