Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
